Near Mint Mill

What do you do when you are trying to find inspiration to write about inspiration? You take the lamest thing you can. The last four months have probably been the toughest of my life so far. I missed last weeks blog because on top of everything else that has happened to me I caught a cold.

Last few years I’ve been going to see various doctors as I’ve been constantly tired for so long. So that’s the base then before all of this happened. I’m recovering from a herniated disc, swollen optic nerves, complications from a lumbar puncture, a body that was pumped full of so many different drugs to combat all these problems and on top of all that I had to deal with my own vicious anxiety superpower. I’ve been back at work for over a month now and it’s great to have some sort of normalcy back.

So I’m still healing and as I’ve been told ‘healing takes energy’. For someone as preternaturally tired as I am, before all theses shenanigans happened over the last four months, being back at work and still healing is taking up all my energy and then some. Which the insane tiredness is cyclical on my mood and just feeding a loop of frustration.

I wanted to write this blog out last week about music and its importance to me, but the cold sapped what little energy I had left and I tried to get some rest.  As the week went on I kept trying to come back to the blog but the brain and inspiration wouldn’t cooperate. So here I am with this one instead because I’m starting to get really pissed off at my eternal exhaustion. Rage and anger also work for inspiration, just need to put them towards positive endeavours.

Part of my frustration with my ancient weariness is that it robs me of my usual thinking and it’s hard to write. Which means I’m not getting inspired enough and struggling through anything I write. I wanted an off switch for my brain, but not like this.

But when inspiration does hit, and it’s always amazing when it does, it gives me a boost of energy. I love being inspired because the synapses are firing and you’re just coming up with so much awesome stuff. It’s only a temporary boost though and soon the permanent fatigue comes sweeping back in.

Basically, I think, what I’m getting at is that energy can come from any number of sources and sometimes you just need to take it where you can. I’ve been more energized in that last hour being inspired to write this pseudo-rant than I have in the last few days. To keep moving forward that’s a win I need to take because now I get to crawl into bed!